Keep moving

Today I am fighting. I’m fighting to keep the dark grey encroaching on my mental horizon from crushing me under its weight. I’m fighting the overwhelming despair, the crippling melancholy, my old enemy. I know if I stop moving, it will catch up to me and I will fall. If I fall, it is so far, far, impossibly far to the bottom of that well. Living with this condition, this secret, invisible illness, means fighting. It seems that everything is fine and then just like that, out of the blue, there’s all this crushing despair. But, I have resources. I can fight this. I can remind myself that the hopelessness is (probably? mostly?) in my mind. Oh, it’s going to take a lot of reminding. I can do this. Somebody please tell me I can do this.