one month today

One month ago today my daughter died. I have survived for one month without her. I never would have believed that could be possible. I never would have believed I could survive such a thing. People go on, don’t they. How do we do it?

Kiyose is on his way to SF with his Morris team. One of his Morris teams. He asked if I wanted him to cancel, but I told him not to. But, today is hard.

Last night, I had the most intense dream I have ever had in my life. I was apparently trying to infiltrate some kind of temple-type place with another person. The dream was surprisingly realistic, down to creating false identification badges and doing reconnaissance and so on. But, something went wrong and I was spotted. The whoever-they-were started chasing me and I ran as though I were being pursued by demons (which, maybe I was. I have no idea what those things were). I managed to get around a corner and outside the building before they caught up with me and I sprinted like crazy over a huge empty lot and jumped/dove behind a wall and under some pipes and hoped like hell they would assume that I had run toward the nearby buildings instead of taking the risk of the open field. I lay there under the pipes panting and trying to get my breathing under control. Soon, I realized that I was awake and in my own bed and still panting. My legs ached as though I had just run a marathon. It took several minutes for the adrenaline to wear off and I never did really get back to sleep. My legs are still sore this morning.